CHROMAKOOOOOPIA

Hello dearest reader!!!!!

I am back from my Chicago trip!

It was incredible!

Here’s a small play by play of what all I did:

So I left early to get to the train station, and about 10 minutes in I realize I forgot my pen, aka my sacred item for all my journaling, at home.

I panic. I debate turning around. But I ultimately decide not to as i remember I have a pencil in my backpack. I even take my backpack off and look at the pencil to check.

I get to the train station. I wait and watch journaling videos on youtube as I’m always doing as of late.

I board the train. I take out my journal and prepare for the long journey ahead.

I take out the pencil.

I push the side button to make the lead come out.

…And I press it again. And again.

Yet nothing comes out.

The pencil turned out to be OUT OF LEAD !!!!!!!!!

It must’ve gotten pushed out cause the pencil was originally under all my daily work belongings in my backpack.

I was devastated. I was BEYOND devastated. English words cannot being to describe the state of dismay I was in.

I am but a humble autistic girl with a ridiculous hyperfixation on journaling, all I wanted to do was journal on the train!

But alas, all hope was not lost.

Usually I digitally journal on my ipad with my keyboard but as I had switched to longhand writing, I decided not to pack my ipad.

But there was one device there to save the day: my phone!

I decided to say fuck it and just journal in my notes app.

I went crazy btw. I ended up transcribing the pages into my diary and I wrote like six and a half pages worth of writing on the train ride lmao.

I even took my virtual therapy appointment on the train!

I was initially going to cancel my appointment since I would be on the train at the time, but I kept forgetting to call, and then I tried to call on the train and it discnnected me because my signal got cut off. So I took it as a sign that I would just go through with the appointment.

After all, I want to update my therapist on how good I was feeling!

For the past 5 days I suddenly was waking up at 4 am again, my desired time for waking, and I felt human again!

I had a sneaking suspicion the new combination of meds was working on me as I wasn’t feeling like I was stuck in the swamps of sadness from a neverending story anymore.

Depression for me manifests mostly in the form of unrelenting exhaustion. So up until the 25th I was sleeping over 12 hours every night with no motivation to get out of bed when I did eventually wake. The days felt pointless.

I didn’t even want to get out of bed on the 25th when I woke up at 4 am, but something in me just made me do it. And I haven’t gotten out of bed late ever since.

And I had the concert coming that night, so I wanted to share in the happiness with her and secure my next appointment with her so we could talk again.

So I took the appointment and shared my joy and told her how I had been so productive journaling and making youtube videos. She was so happy for me!

I adore my therapist. She genuinely cares and supports me through thick and thin. I’m very lucky to have her.

We ended up having a short appointment as by the time I took the appointment my stop was approaching in 15 minutes.

So she made sure I didn’t have anything I wanted to talk through at the moment and we made our next appointment!

Then I got off of the train and was picked up by the friend i was staying with over these two days.

Which brings me to the real star of this post……

Michi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michi is an absolute Princess. An angel. A gift from the heavens bestowed upon my dear friend.

This was my first time meeting their cat and I was ecstatic!!!!!

She looks like she could be an aristocat, straight up friends with Marie.

See what I mean??????

She is soft as a cloud and she makes sure to gift you with plenty of her fur whenever you pet her. What a thoughtful girl.

It took her a while to warm up to me, but the first night after my concert she laid on the couch near me and showed her belly.

I was like !!!!!!!!! she trusts me !!!!!!!!!!!! this is huge !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the next morning she even climbed on top of me for pets! I was chosen! I was blessed! Michi the angel princess baby doll had chosen me to give her affection, what an honor that was.

I hope to see Michi again and pledge my undying loyalty to her. I would kill for Michi.

So anyways, back to the recap.

The first thing my friend and I did was watch Kpop Demon Hunters! I’m obsessed to say the least.

What a charming, funny, emotional, and adorable movie.

My favorite is Mira, as I have a tendency to relate to the deadpan and sarcastic girlies in media. I also love that she has a deeper voice as someone with one myself. I often wish I had a higher voice, but characters like Mira remind me that it isn’t so bad.

The we played Mario Kart World! It was so fun!

But there is one thing. My friend is such a trash talker! He kept dunking on me because of my lack of driving skills.

I was like poo on you I’m playing for the fun of the game !!!! And he kept trashing me lmao.

But eventually after choosing Nabbit and a new cart I had a pretty good run! He says it was the cart I chose but I think it was me choosing a bunny character as a bunny myself. I won through the bunny to bunny connection.

After that it was time for me to head off to my concert.

Doors opened at 6 so I got there at 6:30 and barely had to wait in line, it was nice.

I was so psyched too, when we checked our tickets they gave us a mock ticket!

No one ever prints tickets anymore, so to get a fake one is so thoughtful and creative!

I will treasure this forever. I think I will keep it safe in my journal pages from the 30th.

Here are two clips from the concert where I’m not singing so I don’t embarrass myself:

(note how the Balloon clip ends right before Doechii’s verse, because I couldn’t stop myself from screaming that shit)

VOLUME WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone singing in this one makes me so emotional it was so cute to see omg.

After the concert there was a lil fiasco involving my friends car so I had to wait a while for them to pick me up.

So I headed to a nearby Mcdonalds and was amused to see it was all fellow concertgoers ordering food hehe.

I stayed there for a hot minute, occupied by chicken nuggets and my phone, till I was finally picked up at exactly 1:11. Shoutout angel numbers hehe.

When we got back to my friend’s place we watched Wicked because before I even came out we discussed watching it as I had never seen it!

I was dead tired after the concert and wasn’t sure how I was gonna do it.

But I didn’t start falling asleep until the very end of the movie! and even then I powered through and finished it! (my friend on the other hand fell asleep heheheh)

I fucking loved Wicked. Galinda fills my heart with joy as a pink fun loving girlie, but I truly relate to Elphaba so much. She tugs at my heartstrings. And the way her eyes get so glassy in scenes where she gets emotional, it kept making me cry. I feel a connection to her for sure.

Then we went to bed at FOUR TWENTY IN THE MORNING. I was shocked.

I mentioned how I’m usually up and journaling at this time and my friend joked to go pull them out and I was like fuck you I’m going to sleep lol.

We got up around 9 and I went to go do morning pages and got 2 done before we decided to watch Nosferatu.

Another incredible movie.

I had been wanting to see it because it stars Nicholas Hoult.

I am diehard loyal to all Skins alumni, and I love to see them succeed.

My bebbies.

Speaking of Skins alumni, I want to see Sinners.

I think the next time my friend and I hang out we’ll watch it. I’ve only heard great things so I’m looking forward to it!

The 1st was very chill compared to the 30th.

After we watched the movie I journaled a bunch and we just hung around watching Hasan on Twitch as my friend likes to do.

Then eventually I got ready and we had to head off to the station.

My friend at the beginning of my trip so graciously loaned me his pen, and when I was leaving I asked how attached to it he was, and he just let me have it!!!!

I really wanted to journal on the train so I was elated that he just gave it to me. And it’s another example of the small acts of love and kindness that surround us that you just have to pay attention to. :’)

I ended up writing like 7 pages in my journal on the train. And toward the end of my ride I also did my gratitude and daily recap as I knew I’d be trying to retire to my bed as soon as I was home.

It was great. I went to bed so happy last night.

The trip went over so well, when initially I was worried about even making it to my concert because I was originally going to stay with my brother but plans changed last minute and I thought I was going to miss it.

But my friend and I were due to hang out anyways and he graciously let me stay with him the whole time instead.

I really appreciated that. It really means a lot to me when people help me like that, I made sure to include him in my gratitude entries hehehe.

Today after my trip I’ve had a chill day. I was originally going to go without technology today but nixed the idea because I have to use my phone to call an organization today so I figured I’d take my hiatus once that situation is all handled.

So I decided to do my new routine of going live on twitch to write my morning pages and take my walk and get anything else done, including this blog post.

And I also was elated to remember it was time to do my monthly tarot spread! I’ve done it consistently all year.

I loved my spread this time, here’s a peek at it!

Having just started The Artist’s Way recently, this spread made a lot of sense, along with just what I knew I was already focusing on this summer.

I always keep two inspo cards out for the entire month, and this month I chose Ace of Wands and Knight of Wands. Gotta harness that creative wand energy hehe

So that’s been my past few days so far!

I’m now going to go prep for doing a mid year reset video hopefully!!!!!

I’m going to do the reset regardless but I ideally would like to make a youtube video out of it as well. I really wanna keep uploading! I hope that I can.

So wish me luck with all of that.

If you’re reading this you need to remember how valuable you are. Take care of yourself. I mean it.

Love ya!!! Bye !!!!!!